I was out in the back yard today pruning the butterfly bushes and feeling sorry for myself. Its been a pretty rough past few weeks, what with an even deeper reorientation of myself, working at getting out of transference, and living my design on a deeper and deeper level. Molting ain’t even the word.
So I’m out there clearing branches from the yard, and the clutter from my head, then it hits me, kinda double teaming me, actually.
1. I’m steeped in the melancholy of being insignificant and useless(two very evident places of melancholy in my channel of definition) and really, really trying to not make it mean something…and,
2. The realization that projectors are here to redesign/world
(‘world’ as a verb) the world that the Manifestors built. And I’m one of ’em. Only after watching several hours of TV over the past few days, the task struck me as epic. Truly Herculean.
Number 1- The other night, there I was, sitting in a bar with a Manifestor just chatting about design, and they unwittingly say something to me about strategy. My mind screeches to a halt. I am struck square in the chest. The whisper of the past months turned Louisville Slugger. In order for me to take the next step in my process of truly living my design, I must now completely embrace my only definition: leap into the unknown as a way of life.
Then, there are what are called the gates of Melancholy. There’s 20 of ‘em- a good third of the hexagrams. These are hexagrams that have deeply paradoxical nature, that can have deep emotional states arise from them. Through the only channel I have, the channel that has the gates of Shock(51) and of Innocence(25) comes these themes; Testing or annihilating one’s own boundaries, and going through it all while still inhabiting the beginner’s mind. The melancholic themes of these gates are the fear of being insignificant, and the anxiety of living a mundane of life. I am marinating in both of them currently. A sense of uselessness, and insufficiency, bundled with a healty dose of insignificance.
The 25/51 as a channel is the channel of initiation. Not of starting as it were, but of transition from one realm to another. I have been sidestepping this latest initiation, staring it in the face, and looking away staring into space.
As a projector, seeking my own inner authority and working my melancholy, sidestepping the traps of ‘making it mean something’ is critical. Its simply another aspect of the process of being human and on this path of self discovery. Funny how while I am in it right now, even writing about it still isn’t having it seep in any easier.
I just feel glum.
Number 2- Historically, from what I have been able to Glean so far is that the Manifestors put a buncha ideas into the heads fo the great creators; generators, to world the world in which we currently reside/suffer/marinate. Now as the end of an epoch comes, and the species is mutating, literally and imaginationally, the projectors are here for worlding the new world. The TV and the culture have lain heavily upon my skin, like thousands of little hooks into my flesh burdening me and hindering my movement, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Very intricate and really freaky!
Annnd, I need to figure out how to get to Ibiza for the 6th annual event. Its really a challenge for me to make it happen right now. I have some prospects that will pan out in the near future, but not until after the event, and so I am in a pickle. That mixed with some really snazzy melancholy, and you got yourself a bright sunny day with a glum projector.